It occurred to me this week, after a good few weeks of ‘holiday time’ that I am absolutely rubbish at the sacred ritual of ‘not doing anything.’ I swear I never used to be incapable of completely stopping to recharge but something has obviously shifted in the past months/years that was rendered me hopelessly devoted to ‘doing stuff.’
It only really clicked the other day when I was watching my beautiful boy (son, not husband) sitting on the sand at the beach. Not for the first time, I wished I could spend just 5 minutes inside his head, examining exactly what it is that makes him so capable of just sitting contentedly, ice-block in hand, staring out at the stand up paddle boarders coasting along the shoreline.
Sitting is problematic for me. Whether I’m sat at the dining table or down at the beach, I’m usually doing at least two things at once. Eating a bowl of cereal while flicking through the paper, drinking coffee while replying to texts, checking Facebook while cooking dinner. I rarely ‘just’ eat or ‘just’ cook. My inability also seems to stem to my struggle to completely disconnect and unwind. Spending a day ‘doing nothing’ makes me feel itchy. I don’t even know why. Components of a day of relaxation and removal from the busyness of the outside world are favourite activities of mine; napping, reading, eating yet partner them together and they never seem to constitute enough to occupy a full 12 hours.
I never used to think my mad desire to be busy was a bad thing and in some ways, it does help my productivity levels to remain high. This is especially important when you work for yourself, from home. I have a bit of a fear that relinquishing myself to doing nothing for a day/a couple of days/ a week will be the slippery slope into a spectacular loss of momentum and progress. There has to be a point though and I think I’ve reached it.
I feel that I am so occupied with being occupied that I’m constantly inside my own head. I miss out on the stuff that’s going on around me far too often. I crave stillness but can never seem to find it, unsurprising as I never stop long enough to ride out the impulse to get up and shake off anything resembling a calm few minutes.
I wrote HERE about kicking off the New Year and reflection I had been doing. 2013 was a great year but it ended with a very stressed, unsure, doubtful me. A me that felt as if something was missing. I am working steadily through understanding how it is I want to feel in 2014, and more importantly, what it is I need to DO to cultivate feeling that way. It’s certainly not a quick and easy task but I’m getting there. One of the things I have been working on is choosing a word (or words cos I can never stop at one) that I feel resounds with how I want my life to unfold in the coming days/weeks/months. The primary word is ‘Contentment’ and I don’t know if it’s possible to really get a handle on that when I’m constantly split in waaaay too many directions.
My goal this week, and going forward, is to try and draw on some of the mindfulness work I’ve done in the past to remind me to get back into the present. That, coupled with the meditation I have committed to doing everyday, forms the keystone I think of helping ease me out of my own head and back into reality. I am going to drink my cup of coffee.. and just drink mm cup of coffee. I am going to sit in the sun… and just sit in the sun. I am going to cuddle my son… and switch off the noise in my head about what else ‘needs’ to be done by literally telling myself exactly what I am doing, on repeat. Visually, I’ve gone pin crazy for ‘relaxation’ images, reminders.. anything to help get me into the right kind of headspace (you can find me on Pinterest HERE) and find my ‘Relax’ board HERE.
Below are my absolute FAVE images pinned lately.. Enjoy and have a gorgeously relaxed weekend.
Images all found HERE