I’ve come down with a serious case of the ‘blahs’ this past day or two. Nothing I can quite put my finger on, but just that general apathy that makes you want to curl up in bed with a good book and doze the day away. A hot cup of tea by my side and the occasional snack brought to the bed by a loving husband wouldn’t go astray either.
In the past, I’ve always kind of feared this kind of feeling. Apathy was, at least in my mind, linked to much bigger and badder issues. My mind has always been a big fan of a good spiral so the leap from apathy to a recurrence of anxiety or depression was more like a hop, skip and a teeny, tiny jump. If I was feeling flat, uninspired and unmotivated, what was next?
I don’t think this is an uncommon trap to fall into, especially when you tend to err on the side of perfectionism and want to know the why behind every emotion and experience. I think that I have the idea that if I can determine the why, I’ll be able to work out a nice, neat solution so that everything can return to being rosy. It’s a simplistic way of thinking but it’s so structured and reassuring that it’s very alluring.
The problem is, the why isn’t always apparent. Sure, it’s easy to work out why I’m feeling a physical sensation i.e. body feels tender, it’s probably because my back is sore, i’m currently in possession of a teething, clingy toddler who won’t be put down, the pieces fit, it all makes sense, file that away, problem solved, but when it comes to the mental stuff however, it’s tricky. There may be no clear ‘why’ behind a bout of the ‘blahs’, just as there might’d always be a ‘why’ behind the scary thoughts and clouded reality I suffered when Ollie was very little. Sure, there may be some likely culprits; sleep deprivation, hormones, motherhood in general but understanding why these culprits manifested in the very specific way that they did, well that’s still not clear. And i’m not sure if it ever will be.
What I’m starting to learn more and more however is that it’s actually ok not to understand the why. Sometimes, we can just think and feel things, without there being a bigger picture at play. It all kind of links back to the idea of ‘thoughts just being thoughts’ without any real power of authority. I’ve been trying this idea out for size since this attack of the blahs and while it’s not a perfect fit yet, I like it. It’s far less exhausting than trying to make sense of something that there may not be a sensical side too. It’s also kind of empowering. Being able to state that ‘I just feel a bit blah’ full stop, the end, without a whole other monologue being attached encourages me to remain in the present and accept what my brain is throwing up, without judgement. It’s certainly a work in progress, but that’s ok.
Being given permissions not to start down the path of frantic worrying has also meant that I’ve been able to spend a little more time identifying the things I can do to soothe and calm. Instead of driving myself mad trying to determine why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling, I’ve looked more to the kind of balm I can apply. Knowing that what I’m feeling will pass in the near future (and not morph into something catastrophic) and that it’s just gotta be put up with for now seems to make it ok to invest in some feel good remedies.
Last night, instead of sitting down in a sulk (yes, I’m hugely mature), I:
- Lit my fave candle in the bathroom (Glasshouse Fragrances ‘Galapagos’ candle... Divine).
- Mixed up a batch of my coconut + almond scrub (you can check out the recipe HERE).
- Dribbled a few drops of pure lavender oil onto a wet washer and spread it over the drain in the shower.
- And had myself a little spa. Popped the scrub on then hopped into a steamy hot shower, sweetly scented with mingled cocoa, lime and lavender. I stayed in till the water started to cool down then washed off my scrub, hopped out to a fresh, snuggly towel and slathered on a mixture of rosehip oil and vitamin E.
It wasn’t anything especially fancy, nor was it something that would ‘cure’ me of feeling crappy/tired/lathargic/blah BUT in showing myself a little bit of love, I took back some of the power from the blah and said something along the lines of ‘Yeh, you can hang around but I’m just gonna get on with doing my thing.’ Now, I’m off to curl up on my bed while the babe sleeps and read a book. It’s the little indulgences after all that are the best!
I’d love to know.. How do YOU handle a case of the ‘blahs’?
Image found via Pinterest
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