Here is is folks, the big ‘In 2013 I wanna…’ post. Seems the new year is an uber popular blogging topic. I totally get it. I love me a new year. The freshness and possibility seems to zing. Everything (bar the hideous pimple on my chin) seems to take on a new sheen, like a freshly shellac’d nail. Yes, the shellac you had on 25 minutes previously was still OK but if you looked closely, you could see a few cracks. A chip here and there. And a distinct lack of sheen. An old shellac isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a little faded around the edges.
I had actually written a completely different post (and still have it saved in drafts), but I wasn’t keen on it. It wasn’t authentic enough for my liking. Nor did I get to compare the NY with a shellac, so clearly it couldn’t have been all that great. Let’s hope this version ticks a few more boxes.
I kind of wish I could say that I don’t have any goals that i’d like to pelt through the posts in the NY. But I wouldn’t be telling the truth. While I find the idea of ‘forced resolutions’, generated purely due to the end of one year and the start of the next a little bit icky, i’m a sucker for a fresh page. And last year was a doozy. The hardest, most challenging year of my life. Bundled up with a whole heap of amazingness. It was a roller coaster of epic proportions and having had time to reflect over the past couple of weeks, I have come to the conclusion that I kind of lost myself a little in the past 12 months.
I often likened the motherhood to ‘falling down the rabbit hole’ right back at the beginning of the journey and boy, did I fall. And I loved falling. I told myself to fall. To let go, to see where that void would take me. And I think I had to fall. I needed to explore the caverns that exist below the surface. Caverns that seem to be lit up by the arrival of a little one. I wandered around in that cave for a little while. It wasn’t a bad spot but it was a little bit lonely and wasn’t quite my natural environment.
I think I fell a little bit too far.
I got a little lost on the way back to the surface and ended up trapped between the old and the new. And while I had no desire to reclaim the old (and let’s be honest, old life was pushed to the side on Jan 17th 2012) and a strong understanding that the new was my future, the new I seemed to be dwelling in wasn’t the right fit.
And THAT is what i’m focusing on in 2013. Getting both feet back onto the surface. Discovering a new that is the right fit. Learning what parts of the old have been carried across to this new program and what parts of the new weren’t exactly my thing.
How am I doing this? A couple of ways. First and foremost, i’m going back to basics and sorting out my mental and physical health. I have sorely neglected myself these past 12 months, a byproduct of dwelling down in that cave I guess and giving your light to someone else. I’m not feeling 100% and the only person who can change that is me.
The biggest thing I guess i’m doing is taking a holistic approach to my lifestyle. Eating, exercising and the mental stuff is all kind of intertwined (in my mind anyway) and working on one, logically feeds into working on the other areas.
To that end, i’ve given up the sweet stuff, yep, i’ve quit sugar and am following the Sarah Wilson ‘I quit Sugar’ plan to curb my addiction to fructose once and for all. I’m not going to go into huge amounts of detail though I will be posting up a little more about this in the next couple of days but it all boils down to me realising that I am addicted to the stuff, it makes me feel mentally and physically crap and I want it out. I’m not sure yet if i can manage it, if it’ll help but i’m going to give it a red hot crack.
Keeping with that theme, i’m also committing to exercising three times a week as it makes me feel good and will be continuing with therapy and my meds to tackle the ol’ OCD and anxiety on the medical front.
Everything kind of fits in neatly with the Treasure Yourself Project that I stumbled on late last year over at gorgeous blog eight.ten.ten. Basically, it’s a mini self development project with a focus on getting healthy and happy. To put it crudely (and i’m a potty mouth out heart), it’s primary aim is for you to ‘get your shit together’ in one way or the other and learn a little more about who you are now (not who you were 5 years, 5 months, 5 weeks ago). It also helps guide you towards a little more self appreciation and dare I say it, self love, with activities designed to nurture and repair the sometimes damaged bits we all have lurking inside. I’m really looking forward to it and will be keeping you up to date with the stuff i’m doing and how it’s all working out.
I’m back home to Sydney on Wednesday and back to real life which shall be bittersweet as always but I am looking forward to seeing my family and return to our little nest to start of 2013 properly.
I’d love to know, do you have any goals for the NY? Care to share?
Happy 2013 everyone!
May all your dreams take flight (ok I really just wanted to include the picture of me with the FREAKIN’ HUGE owl (below) in this post and was grasping at straws as to how to do it… I think I pulled it off, maybe.)